For many people, after getting married it can be difficult to mesh into the family of their spouse. Although you may feel like an outsider in the beginning, there are ways in which you can actively enhance your relationship with your new family. Lots of horror stories exist about the in-laws, but it doesn’t need to be a horrible experience…in fact it is great to have that many more people to support you and your new spouse.
In the beginning you may feel like an outsider. These people whose lives you are trying to fit into have a long history together. They will have inside jokes, and you may feel uncomfortable at times. Remember, your spouse may be feeling the same way around your family, as they are the outsider in that situation. If you are really interested in strengthening the bond you have with your in-laws, there are some ways in which you can expedite the process.
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- Be genuine, and be a good listener. People love to talk, and most love to talk about themselves. When one of your in-laws seems like they may be in a talkative mood, be a listener. By listening and having a genuine interest in what they are saying you can gain insight into who they are, what their interests are, and what they like or dislike. This is great because it will allow you to find some common ground with them. Once you have common ground, it will be easier to build a relationship with your inlaws.
- Be trustworthy. If you are told something in confidence, keep it quiet. If you breach the trust of your in-laws, you will set yourself back considerably in regards to building a relationship. You may only have breached the confidence that one member has in you, but essentially you are creating a ripple effect and others in the family will likely not trust you based on your indiscretion.
- Don’t lie. This one should go without saying, but you might be surprised. No one likes a liar and if you get this label, again no one will trust you.
- Be supportive. One of the best ways that you can develop a positive repertoire with your new in-laws is to be there for them. At some point in time there will be an incident, or challenge that will require you to be supportive and helpful.
- Don’t gossip. A really quick way to kill your relationship with your in-laws is to gossip about them or members of their family. No matter how things happen, they are family and you will be the one who loses. Even if every member of the family hates a certain member of the family, if you say something negative that they will make you pay for it. The saying blood is thicker than water is true in many cases.
One of the best ways to forge a great relationship with your in-laws however, is to just be involved. Most families have dinners, maybe picnics and get-togethers as well. Offer to help out by decorating, or bringing something with you to contribute. This will show that you want to be a part of your spouse’s family and would like to contribute to the fun. You should also consider possibly sending a small gift to recognize big life events of those in your newly extended family. Things like gourmet gifts from Cookies by Design are a great way to acknowledge a graduation, birthday, promotion, or any other time that you want to let someone know that you are thinking about them or applauding their success.
